It has been about seven years now. My most recent relationship has now come to an end after seven years. I write this to better clear my own head, help myself understand the whole process, and to help come to terms with everything. It is a fairly anti climatic end, no big fight, no huge blowout, neither of us has found another – to my knowledge anyhow. Logically analyzing this, I believe that the two of us just fell out of love. Life got complacent, everything done is a repetitive motion. We continued our lives as if on autopilot.

A couple of weeks ago, she approached me and suggested that we take a break from each other. Perhaps to reevaluate things from a different perspective, get away from each other and truly evaluate how we feel about each other. Up until then, I never gave our situation any thought; mindlessly running as if everything was just fine. The cliché term that relationships are a two way street comes to mind; and I’m asleep at the wheel on autopilot. Since she approached me about the issue, I react negatively. Taking off, I take some time to contemplate things, to reflect on the situation in as rational a manner as I can, I call up a good friend that will soon get married, and get his perspective on things. I get the standard response that relationships have their ups and downs, and it is just a matter of riding it through. He recommends some time away from each other. And as much as I’d love to pack up and head out to NYC for a week or so, I doubt it would help; I can just as easily close up myself at home – granted it is a bit awkward. After the discussion, I head home and open up some dialog. She is surprised that I returned and surprised at my willingness to talk.

The result of our conversation is that [cue Bill Medley and Bobby Hatfield – Righteous Brothers]: she’s lost that loving feeling. She wants to break up and move away to see if she truly has no feelings for me anymore. Keeping in mind that we’ve been living together for the past seven years, the logistics of separating may be slightly complicated, but that is not the issue. This forced me to reflect upon my own feelings for her. Time to reevaluate if I’ve lost that loving feeling as well. I’m still not entirely certain, but I should know for sure in the coming months. I’m currently numb to things. I felt the need to salvage things. So I turned to another friend, one who has been married for two years already.

The issue of complacency came into the conversation. There is a loss of the romance that was first sparked in the early stages of the relationship. So with his recommendations, I set to rekindle the waning flame. After a week of trying, I’m getting the feeling that one my side of the road, while bumpy and pot hole laden, is still open, but the other side is completely closed. When I look into her eyes, I realize that there is no spark in them, no returning warmth when she looks back at me. I wonder if she sees the same when she looks into my eyes.

Returning to my own feelings, that I should feel more hurt, more depressed with the situation; leads me to believe that I do have fallen out of love. That I want to salvage the relationship more for the sake of convenience. Logically evaluating the relationship, we are fairly compatible in our personalities, and many of our interests. But love is truly an emotion devoid of logic and reason. I have started telling immediate friends that we are parting ways. Most responses are utter shock. My roommate whom I have known for just about twenty years now is, was completely floored as she lives with us and sees our daily interactions. Most of my friends has accepted the girlfriend as her own entity, and possibly see her as a friend as opposed to “Clem’s girlfriend”.

I look to other relationships of my friends. I often feel that in comparison, these other relationships do not have the same connection that mine did; yet my relationship is now over. I have placed too much emphasis on logic and reason. There exists no such thing in love. I also refuse to allow love to dictate my actions. Perhaps this is the reason for the fall. Perhaps I have completely forsaken the key ingrediate of love. If I were still in love, by all logic and reason, the relationship would not have ended up in it’s current situation. Again, I continue to rationalize with logic and reason. Looking into my own heart, perhaps it is empty. Some distance is good, it’ll do me some good as well.

Having touched on the subject before, I am one who does not believe in the ideas that there exists a single person that is “the one”. Perhaps the day will come when I prove myself wrong; the realist in me often wins over the optimist. So out into the single world I tread…

I wonder how hard it will be to find a female that is interested in model building (resin figure or gunpla) that is not utterly repulsive in personality and attractiveness. Heh, there goes my optimistic side thinking aloud again…

This Post Has 9 Comments

  1. Master Shake

    Well, that sucks…

    Got to give it time, though. It’s possible time and absence will change her feelings, too. I wouldn’t expect her to be too receptive to the idea of patching things up after she’s just gone through the mental preparation needed to break up in the first place…

    IMO “in love” is really just the state of pursuit – a state that takes a lot of energy to maintain – it’s not something that people should necessarily expect as part of their daily reality.

  2. Infornography

    Coming out of a relationship, I can understand how you feel man. Hopefully with time and thought, you’ll find someone new. Hey, don’t put down the thought of finding a nice, attractive and non-repulsive female who is attracted to model building, they’re out there, just waiting to be found, and not stalked. I hope you feel better soon man, I’ll have a few beers and toast to you.

  3. Gtetra

    I am really sorry to hear that. It is hard to keep the flame going by romance alone. There has to be something for the two in a relationship to build on, and remain committed to each other.

    By falling out of love, you will be motivated to find out why it happens, and the next relationship will be better because of it.

  4. gundamjehutykai

    Man, that’s rough. After 7 years too!

    I had a friend who broke up with his girl after a relationship of 3 years and that was tough on everybody.
    Hope everything turns out OK for you.

  5. avantguardian00

    When I was younger, I used to believe in “the one” and treated my girlfriends perhaps better than they deserved. After getting my heart sacked a few times, I’ve lost this optimism completely. But like an math equation, when you take something out, something else fills the void. For me, this happens to be things that made me happy during my childhood. Cars and gundam models; My car will only go away if I drive it away, it will only break into parts if I am not careful. My gundam models, the more time I spend on them, the better they look. No matter what armaments they have, they will never fight me. Perhaps if simple things can make you happy, then you can be easily happy. Ofcourse a little bit of pot helps. j/k

  6. gamerabaenre

    Thanks for the kind words guys! Yeah, I’m doing fine. I may not have realized that I help facilitate this end as I wasn’t into the relationship either. But that’s my standard operating procedure; I’d much rather the other side make the first move to break it off than break a heart.

    I’ve chatted with a few friends and for the most part, they’re understanding that I’m on sound mind and things are as they are for the best. Granted it still sucks whenever a relationship ends, but hopefully I should be able to keep a friendship. I’m still friends with most of my exs; but we’ll have to wait and see on this.

    Thinking back, in the past 9 years, I’ve have three girlfriends and about 8 or so months of single life during that time with them. Now it’s time to focus on finding that elusive beauty who enjoys building gunpla/resin figures….

  7. Infornography

    It’s great to see you looking at the bright side clem, and remember, WHEN you find that elusive beauty who enjoys building gunpla/resin kits, make sure she has sisters for the rest of us, okay?

  8. Dhcloud

    You heard the man… start inviting your model building beauties to the build gatherings. Glad to hear it was a calm break and not a messy one. Hit me up if you want a rockband partner… I promise I will check my invites from now on… I missed your last one by two days.

  9. Doven Wolf

    Sorry to hear that Clem. Sounds like it ended amicably enough though. You know, I’ve been married 13 years now and dated my wife for 6 years prior to that so I never experienced the “singles scene”. Part of me wishes I had and another part of me thanks the maker that I never did. Try to enjoy the change and re-discovering yourself on your own terms. But know that we are all thinking about you and behind you all the way. Hey, look on the bright side, just think about all the extra $ you’ll have to blow on the hobby (j/k). Hang in there, man!

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.